For Always is Always Now

The Lover’s Futility

He stared at his own
lost hope swimming up
from the depths of his
narcissistic cup

The disaster borne
of red open wounds
never really closed
wished away by boons

Of the gods who do
not listen to pain
seething through, away
down memory lane

So futile, he sighed
him torn asunder
one more mug, ’cause there’s
always another.

Tis better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. Don’t ever forget.

His hard black nose
against her chest
a bullet placed
where her heart rests

As the body shook
still soft with youth
the felt nose like a gun
ready to shoot

A form so soft
familiar to hand
a blue-checked body
fear gone, strength fanned

She do not know for
it left her sad
to think of childhood
missed yet had

So she pulled him close
and rest head on head
sat in the dark
upon her bed

Where shadows played
on all her walls
and in her dreams
formed dark waterfalls

Which cascade down
form gushing rivers
the same ones when
her lips do quiver

When darkness turns
to the light
and waters clear
of sorrow and spite

To show a face
tear stained and worn
asleep with a bear
tucked under an arm.

For
15 year old Humphrey. For absorbing my tears when I cry, for shining
eyes when I laugh and your ever silent acceptance of all that is said
and done.

Warmth, pressed up
Against a
Lifeline
Ours.

I can hear
you breathe
Softly
Here.

I can feel
Your heat
Against
Me.

I can taste
Your lips
On mine
Purr.

I can smell
The scent
Of us
Entwined

And see through
Clouded
Eyes of
Love.

"A lover knows only humility, he has no choice.

He steals into your alley at night, he has no choice.

He longs to kiss every lock of your hair, don’t fret, he has no choice.

In his frenzied love for you, he longs to break the chains of

his imprisonment, he has no choice.

A lover asked his beloved,

Do you love yourself more than you love me?

Beloved replied, I have died to myself and I live for you.

I’ve disappeared from myself and my attributes,

I am present only for you.

I’ve forgotten all my learnings,

but from knowing you I’ve become a scholar.

I’ve lost all my strength, but from your power I am able.

I love myself…I love you.

I love you…I love myself.

I am your lover, come to my side, I will open the gate to your love.

Come settle with me, let us be neighbors to the stars.

You have been hiding so long, endlessly drifting in the sea of my love.

Even so, you have always been connected to me.

Concealed, revealed, in the unknown, in the un-manifest.

I am life itself. You have been a prisoner of a little pond,

I am the ocean and its turbulent flood. Come merge with me,

leave this world of ignorance. Be with me, I will open the gate to your love.

I desire you more than food or drink

My body, my senses, my mind, hunger for your taste

I can sense your presence in my heart

although you belong to all the world

I wait with silent passion for one gesture, one glance from you "

I woke up this morning to a rumble and it wasn’t my tummy. But it
would be. So I curled up and didn’t blink no more. My eyes shut. I have
this insane urge to go to the beach. Insane urge. To watch the waves
crash, and let the rain pinprick every inch of my skin. I’ve never been
to the beach in the middle of a thunderstorm. The waves must be
fantastic. Thats how my tummy feels right now. Like a wave. It feels
strange. Maybe its because I havn’t eaten. But I’m not hungry. Don’t
wanna eat anything. Whats there to eat…I forgot to restock my fridge.
Maybe I’ll take a long walk in the rain and go get something to eat.
I’m not sad I don’t think. Its something I say. You can’t tell tears
from rain. But you can. Its only if you keep your head down. Yes.
Watching rain soaked sandals. I don’t wear sandals. I had a pair, once
upon a time. They were dark blue with three straps. And a daisy. I
remember that daisy. summer is almost over. I don’t think I’ve seen
daisies in Hong Kong, in the wild. Everything’s cultivated. Like this
family. Everything in its place. Speaking of places, I want to go to
the beach. I think I already said that. What would it be like to have
wings, and flying. Everywhere. Feeling the rain slide off your back,
and dipping, twisting…so lithe. Imagine flying over a beach. Landing.
The sand slightly squelchy under your feet. Running. Only wings…how
does one look, running with wings? Do you run along the beach, or right
into the water. What if a wave crashes and your wings tear? What type
of wings does one have…say they tear. A massive wave rips them apart.
Frail, dragonfly wings. How do we fly then. There is an answer. The
answer is, in our dreams. In all our dreams. And we sink down, legs out
in front of us, and our wings littering behind us. Waves crash over,
again and again. You can still feel the rain. Whitecaps in the
distance. Theres nothing but fog in the distance. There’s you, in the
distance.

Untamed
In
Red
and Blue
That
Which
You Don’t
Like
Craving
For Sea
Spray
And
Splinters And
Moonlit
Warmth
With A
Patch
Over
One’s Seeing
Eye
And
All That
One’s
Heart
Desires For
Eternity
With
Sun, Sand
Surf
And
You…

I don’t like it
When ones tears
Tend to run
Behind ones ears

When one is curled up
Lying down
Trying not to make
A sound

And the tears
Silently flow
Those During day
That do not show

Babies tears run
Down their cheeks
Whereas we hide
The healing streaks

In soft pillows
And muffled cries
Our unsettling
Lullabies.